Twelve Days of Crisis

On the anniversary of its initial publication, The Twelve Days of Crisis is republished here in the cause of Christmas warmth and goodwill to all men. Except of course bankers.

On the first day of Crisis the markets sold to me
A sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the second day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the third day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the fourth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the fifth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the sixth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the seventh day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the eighth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Eight salesmen bilking
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the ninth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
LBO refinancing
Eight salesmen bilking
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the tenth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Hedge fund boards all leaving
LBO refinancing
Eight salesmen bilking
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the eleventh day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Over-hyped underwritings
Hedge fund boards all leaving
LBO refinancing
Eight salesmen bilking
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

On the twelfth day of Crisis the markets sold to me
Central banks succumbing
Over-hyped underwritings
Hedge fund boards all leaving
LBO refinancing
Eight salesmen bilking
Seven ‘bonds’ accruing
Six fleeced investors
$500 gold calls
Foreclosure loans
Three French funds
Two structured notes
and a sub-prime bankruptcy.

..all of which does omit, of course, “hysterical overblown relief rallies by equities”; “a craven capitulation on the part of monetary authorities to Wall Street’s narrower interests”; “disconcerting weakness at the long end of bond markets”; “rising inflationary pressure”; “the dangerous vulnerability of retailers to deteriorating consumer spending”; “flimsy fiat currencies”; “a scary succession of non-American national property markets waiting to soften, including but not necessarily limited to Australia, Belgium, Britain, Denmark, France, Ireland, Italy, Spain and Sweden”; and “defensive investing becoming paramount” – but then none of these coinages is particularly susceptible to rhyme.

*Note: the above paragraph accompanied the original doggerel a year ago, and is republished here unaltered to indicate how much - other than with inflation - the game hasn't really changed. Merry Christmas.