Lines on the Accession of Queen Mary (Schapiro)

by: Greg Newton

The US Senate last week voted unanimously to confirm Mary L. Schapiro as chairman of the US Securities and Exchange Commission; she will probably be sworn in this week and move into the office formerly occupied by Christopher Cox once the exorcists are done (and the cleaners have removed that well-thumbed, but heavily tear-stained, copy of ‘Atlas Shrugged’).

In welcome, NakedShorts would proffer this review of Schapiro’s regulatory career, in doggerel loosely based on the The Vicar of Bray.

In good King Ronnie’s golden days
As his grasp on reality faded;
He ordained me to the SEC
And thereby my career made.
Unto the flock I always preach’d
And damned are those who dare resist
The grasping regulatory thicket.

And this is law, I will maintain
Unto my dying day, Sir.
That whatsoever King may reign
I’ll be a regulator’s savior!

When Bubba & Bob possest the crown
And bubbles began in fashion;
I went off to CFTC
To further my education.
Wendy Gramm’s rule I found would fit
Full well my constitution,
Though Brooksley Born it must be said

And to this day, you’ll understand
I’d only gotten girl’s jobs.
So when NASD called me up

...I went to play with the big boys
President Of Regulation!
I’d turn all hard-nosed again,
For a speech on investor protection.
But principles I did revoke,
Set conscience at a distance,
Whinging customers it should be said

And arbitration law, I will maintain
Unto my dying day, Sir.
That if interests e’er did conflict
It’s covered by Cheney disclosure!
For NYSE Regulation I did lust
After Dick Grasso bit the dust,
From all the pieces then came FINRA
Best of all? My salary topped $3 million!
Occasional murmurs we heard,
That the system may be stifling,
And with Hank Paulson I agreed

And this is law, I will maintain
Unto my dying day, Sir.
That whatsoever ideology shall reign
I’ll be totally unaccountable, Sir!

And now I rise above the crowd
They’ve made me chair of the SEC
Chameleon gifts I well parlay.
Dodd and Shelby gently nuzzled me
They’d clearly read my speeches
Catching Madoff wasn’t my job,
(I was squishing little leeches).

And this is law, I will maintain
Unto it actually changes.
All of those who helped me up,