Google Buys DoubleClick, Leaves Microsoft Way Behind 7 comments
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As Larry Dignan surmised earlier this month, Microsoft once again has been trumped by Google in the search and online ad space:
Let's assume Google is serious about DoubleClick. If you combine Google and DoubleClick Microsoft will really have to play catch-up. And I'd argue we're beyond the point where Microsoft could build its way to parity. Take DoubleClick off the market and Yahoo becomes one of the few options for Microsoft's online advertising aspirations. And that's really going to be pricey.
You have to wonder how Microsoft plans to compete more aggressively with Google in search ads. The company has around $30 billion in cash that could be used to grow via acquisition. It's a bit strange that Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer talk about search and online ads being in its infancy, with the implicit meaning that Microsoft will eventually get it right and outlast competitors as it has in other categories, such as video games. In this case, Microsoft can't spend enough in R&D or develop technologies fast enough to bust the Google juggernaut, which has no problem in acquiring audience (YouTube) and market share (DoubleClick).
Earlier this month Don Dodge, who works at Microsoft, speculated that $2 billion (supposedly DoubleClick did about $300 million in revenue last year) would be too much for DoubleClick, and that AOL (a Google partner) being DoubleClick's largest customer would be a problem if Microsoft did the deal. The $3.1 billion in cash does seem steep, but keeping DoubleClick out of Microsoft's hands must be worth a premium to Google.
Google watcher Donna Bogatin concludes:
Although Google reigns supreme in the category it catapulted to online advertising fame—PPC text ads—it has not achieved similar success with “image ad” serving.
The acquisition of a dedicated banner ad serving firm such as DoubleClick, with its established clientèle, would complete a virtuous circle of powered by Google online advertising:
Pay For Performance Text Ads,
Pay For Action Referral Ads,
Pay For Delivery Display Ads!
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Hey, I've had an idea I've been refining for a while. What if I showed people how to do it all by themselves, and charged for ad space on my how-to tech-skills video lessons? Do you think that's a good idea? Then they can do their own ads without even having to use the Flash player if they don't want to.
I wouldn't have charged them any $5 Billion to research video. In fact, I had just lost my virginity on May 1, 2005, and wanted to start getting down with women. I actually told them this in my application for employment.
I also said that I had decided that I don't want to have to run a business anymore, and already shut it down. Instead, I just wanted less responsibilities and more stability so I could pursue a sex life, because I really liked that time when I got laid, and I wanted more of it. But if I'm not a match, I'm not a match.
So their HR is really bad at what they do. That's a pretty big loss for a department that failed to hire me because they knew I have such a big dick. It's also my feeling that my initial audience will be watching me because of my dick, not because of my brain, because nobody ever liked me for how smart I was. They never were interested until I became more well-known for how good-looking I am with a big dick. Oh, and I'm smart.
Man life could have been different. I really didn't want to have to start a business. I wanted to bone. But my gut feeling was the tech employment thing wasn't going to work, so I toughened up, grit my teeth, and started a tech business, because I already knew I could do it. I just didn't want to have to do all that work. It's a lot of work, all the studying you have to do and such to be comfortable with your next move. But at least I have a lot to look forward to.
That's the problem with employment. They can do anything. They can include the clause "must be a fit for the team." They don't tell you you're not qualified. I was overqualified for every tech job I did and didn't apply for. One week of studying anything and I easily had it. It was always "you're not a match." What that means is they hire buddies and tail jobs, and my dick is bigger than those of their buddies, so the tail jobs they hired would be at a risk of being attracted to my beer can with cantaloupes over their twig with berries. They don't hire to get the job done right. They start a company to bank, and hire tail jobs. That's the reality of American corporate.
*including comments using exclusively words involving farm work; true 2-cent inflation may vary to .5 cents per comment.
What's so wrong about applying for a job you can do and working it with dignity? Because most people are hired as buddies, or tail jobs, or as extortion subjects in the contract employment business to make up for the work the buddies and tail jobs were hired under the premises of doing, for but are either unwilling or unqualified to actually do.
So your choices are usually this:
-get born rich, and never work in your life, and entrust in your daddy to bribe a congressman to legislate you free money
-know somebody, a "buddy," who gets an HR job, and make sure he owes you for covering up that time you stole a car
-be good-looking and get hired, and either prepare to bend over or at least pretend throughout the probationary 3 months
-be skilled at what you do but refuse to play the corporate crap game, and get contract work and run the entire economy
-get a slave-wages position doing menial labor because you weren't born rich, good-looking, or positioned for education
America is so corrupt there is absolutely no oversight into employment standards. It's just crap on paper that's never enforced. It never really matters how you perform. You get what you are given by those with money. You don't earn positions, but instead you corrupt your way up the corporate ladder. It's total buddy-buddy crap all the way through. No matter how hard you work, your work output never dictates your wages. You're employed to get screwed out of life so somebody else can ride easy, not so you can actually receive anything close to fair treatment or compensation for your effort.
So American corporate is incompetent, and lazy, and inefficient, and competes by being big, corrosive to politics, and antisocial in its violent treatment of those not privileged by birth circumstance. That's why Europe is doing so much better. Capitalism is corruption for slavery, socialism is fairness to human beings, and the above stated shows some issues in not seeing the forest for the trees in a corporate world made up of human beings.
I know when I figured something out. It hits me. I've had a few days where everything adds up, and it feels just like that today. Considering people are biological organisms, their needs are for survival and reproduction. First you demonstrate your worthiness to provide sustenance for yourself, your prospective mate, and any perceived offspring, and then you court a pussy for your bone. First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the wemen.
The Google founders are the best programmers at Google. The reason I suspect this is because nobody ever hires anybody who's either better looking or better at what they do than the hirer. The hirer is in a position to get meat for his bone, and so ensures he's the best one around, so nobody but him gets the prime bone meat. This adds up because once I was interviewed for work at a pack of morons making auto software updates using Java for cell phones. Some bigger company made competitive startups, and instructed them to compete to make the better software. The interviewer asked me abstract math questions I've never heard before, but I had no problem with a single one. One I answered off the top of my head I'd never heard before: "How would you find the middle of a linked list using just two pointers?" I began to answer, "move one two every time you move the other one one." I figured it out as I was answering, and giggled to myself because I impressed myself. The interviewer then said, "I have a pretty good idea of where you are." But alas, I was not a match. I guess there was a guy who had a smaller dick than me, and he wasn't as smart as me, either. I should have answered, "well, I dunno, but I'm sure you do, and if I worked real hard at it one day I may be halfway as good in a year as you are in a day. Say, do you know of any good anti-impotency creams I can use? I've tried them all and just no luck. I mean, f---."
And that's how it works. They hire people to make it look like they're the best in every way, so they can get their prime tail. The Google guys are always wearing white and getting up in front of their companies, the center of attention. A man wearing white invokes subtle subconscious thoughts of semen in a horny girl, so if a man is dressed up like he's covered with semen, women think sexually toward them. They also would never hire anybody who's better than them. They want bone meat.
And for those who have problems with their self-esteem, it's all the more corrupt. The way I got the idea for briancronersdick.com is my acute level of covert awareness. Gay guys and straight girls take cell phone video footage of my dick. Then they go home and likely replay it and probably share it with their friends. I felt weird about it at first, but realized that they are just totally obsessed with a big dick, and they envy it and like it and want more of it. So I pretend like I don't notice, just like before I actually knew, and continued to sit with my legs comfortably wide and outstretched, unlike the other type of guy who sits with one foot resting on the other knee to cover up what he has to hide. I saw a picture of an interview with one of the founders of Google (the lesser-hot one) being interviewed on TV, and he had one foot on the other knee, and usually it's to hide how small a guy's dick is. So he in particular would rather not have a smart, good-looking programmer with a big dick come in and make him look less than the absolute best. So if he started a company to hire people to make him look like he's the best, just like all other corporations, then he'd never hire me, because I have a big dick.
My bet: Page and Brin are the best programmers there, and they haven't dug into it since they became billionaires with prime meat sitting on their bones. They have no programmers capable of hitting this like I can, just like Microsoft. Big corporations are just flashy goddamn harems.
Now this is all theory. But I have that feeling in my stomach when I got it all figured out. I have these moments. I can't say when they are to occur. They just happen, out of nowhere. So I'll just take this little risk by declaring "Google can have their doubleclick, because today I have my dick and my -click-."
I really had no idea I was so good.