Here's what we know: JPMorgan Chase (JPM) stock is suffering a bad case of premature celebration in skyrocketing yesterday and this morning on relief that CEO Jamie Dimon testified to the Senate Banking Committee without getting hanged, drawn and quartered. By the same token, JPMorgan -- as well as Bank of America (BAC), Citigroup (C), Goldman Sachs (GS), and Morgan Stanley (MS) -- can at least breathe a legitimate sigh of relief that no new financial regulation (Draconian or otherwise) is in the immediate future.
How do we know?
Well, it could be how the senators lobbed puffball questions at Dimon, effectively asking him how he always told the truth, and wisely.
But there was a better indicator of lack of political resolve. Many have noted a "full house" in the hearings, packed with media, protestors, Dimon's lackeys, and Washington operatives. There were, however, empty seats. Interestingly, the no-shows were actually members of the Senate Banking Committee.
You did not hear that wrong. Senators, I suppose, had to wash their hair.
The Wall Street Journal's live blog scoffed: "I know senators are busy and all that, but you figure the press attention on the Dimon hearing would bring out a full house."
The Guardian held its nose too: "The only notable absences were at the front of the room, where the senators sat; several of their empty seats were testimony to the fact that at least a few members of the banking committee believed they had better things to do than press Dimon."
If the Senate Banking Committee can't scare up a full house of members for a hearing with enough television cameras to make a Kardashian blush, do you think it's going to take a stand on legislation?
Please. Case shut.
Look, JPMorgan has other worries. Those trading losses have slipped it into tricky waters. The global economy has feet of clay. Housing, too. Wall Street is held in low regard by the general public. But underlying all this negativity is at least one positive that you can take to the bank: MIA senators mean regulation is DOA.
Disclosure: I have no positions in any stocks mentioned, and no plans to initiate any positions within the next 72 hours.