Crack Prices Plunge—Fred Reserve

Crack prices plunged in New York trading Thursday, as drug kingpin Fred Reserve began his spring promotion. An auction, conducted on the grounds of Global Megabank NA High School, targeted the primary dealer community who walked off with $75 billion of high quality narcotics, at a stop-out rate of just 0.33 percent, in the first Jimmy Cayne Memorial Lottery (more formally, Term Securities Lending Facility auction).

“I know the price seems a little low, but we want to incentivize our dealers at this time of the year to ensure we meet our summer sales goals,” said Tim Geithner, president of New York Fred, and a close associate of both Fred Reserve and Jamie “Five Times” Dimon. “Considering that it’s the first time we’ve allowed these dealers to come onto the school grounds, we’re very pleased with the results and anticipate significant sales in the Meriwether ahead.”

Most dealers were said to be tepid about the auction, with some upset it was delayed so long. “I was so desperate for a fix that I had to go to Fred Discount’s window yesterday, and pay the full 2.5 percent vig. That hurt,” said Dick Fuld, head of the Lehman Bros (LEH) posse, who also denied that that he had been dipping into his own stock.

“None of those rumors are true. We’re pretty sure it’s the snort sellers,” Fuld said.

Term Securities Lending Facility Auction Results
Reuters Mar. 27 2008

Primary dealers borrow $37 billion from Fed
by Rex Nutting
MarketWatch Mar. 27 2008

Comments

[MyronShlapak]

I am not pleased with the Fed actions but I shudder to think of what the alternatives would be.

[Thomas Staub]

LOL, brilliant, you made my day.

[bearfund]

I too shudder to think of the consequences of the alternatives. Greedy speculators who took unwise risks might lose everything (you know, the definition of 'risk'). Hardworking people who saved and invested prudently might see their life's wealth preserved instead of being inflated away. Worst of all, the bears - who it should be emphasized were 100% right and put their own money at risk to prove it - might actually win a round. Can't have any of that, now can we?

Maybe it's time I get hooked, too. The druggies have all the fun.

[deefree]

giving an investment banker access to the Fed window is like giving a crackhead access to a cocaine mine