Jimmy Lathrop

Top 10 Ways to Spot a Run on Your Bank

10. Even though you are always late on your student loans, the collection calls come sporadically and the letters stop.
9. Handwritten signs on the teller windows with CD rates rivaling sketchy internet banks.
8. The new bank manager reminds you of Kevin Bacon playing crowd control in "Animal House" ("Remain calm! All is well!)
7. The change counting machine disappears and is replaced with a slot machine.
6. Instead of coffee and donuts, the bank lays out Fois Gras and toast points (because they're so rich, right?)
5. When the bank employee gives you your deposit slip, he also hands you a resume.
4. Sounds of loud sobbing can be heard emanating from the vault.
3. You receive a new fee sheet from your bank with your statement and it runs more than three pages.
2. The wealth management associate has scrawled "REDRUM" on her glass wall with her lipstick.
And the number one way to tell if there is a run on your bank:
1. You go to make a deposit and there is a vacant lot where your branch used to be.