Charles Santerre's  Instablog

When we left you in part one, Steve Ballmer was on stage thanking David Lee Roth for performing "Jump" to a very appreciative crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, a couple of months ago, we showed you the Surface. We are very pleased to tell you that as of next Monday, August 20, 2012 at 9:00, the Surface will be available in person at all our Microsoft stores throughout the nation and online at Microsoft.com."

"We are also very pleased to welcome today the heads of HP, Lenovo, Dell and Toshiba, who want to show you their Windows 8 offerings in brief demonstrations."

One by one, those representatives show their tablets, laptops and desktops accompanied by very pretty ladies in high heels. Then, the throaty voice of David Lee Roth is heard, the lights die out momentarily and the second curtain opens to the sound of the song Panama. After 2 more songs, Mr. Roth says "Thank you very much! Ok folks, 10 minute bathroom and smoke break. But get back to your seats quickly because I am told you won't want to miss what the next presenter is going to show you."

As you would see at a play when the intermission is over, lights are flashing in the amphitheatre and the hallways, and outside you hear a monotone voice saying: "Ladies and gentlemen, the second half of the presentation is about to begin. Please return to your seats immediately."

The lights in the amphitheater go black and an upbeat male voice says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, let's please give a warm welcome to the CEO of Nokia Stephen Elop!" Respectful applause and even a few whistles. The lights dim back up and we see Mr. Elop on stage looking like a proud papa or an actor who is coming up to give his speech after winning an Academy Award.

"Thank you very much for your warm welcome. I am delighted to be here today. For Nokia employees and myself, today could not arrive fast enough. Today you get to finally see what I feel is our crowning achievement, a project we've worked on in parallel since day one of our partnership with Microsoft, but could not talk about for obvious reasons. "

Stephen Elop reaches in his right suit jacket pocket and pulls out a rectangular object. "This is Nokia's flagship Windows 8 phone." Thunderous applause. Elop lifts his right arm to quiet the crowd. "This is the Nokia Apollo 1000. 5 wonderful inches of AMOLED screen with 1080P resolution. 4GB of RAM, 64 GB of built-in storage space with unlimited potential for expansion through micro SD cards. It has the revolutionary Pureview camera with 41 megapixels of multi level focus. The world's first smartphone with a built in 100 millimeter optical zoom lens. 1080P high definition video recording capacity using up to 60 frames per second and 5.1 channels of surround sound audio. This marvel of technology is a first in many respects. Oh, did I mention that it will be available next Monday, August 20, 2012, on all four major US carriers?!"

"Not only will users have a choice of carrier, but also they will be able to choose either search engines, Bing or Google, both with full integration."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot: I have said in the past how having more than one core is a waste of battery and only serves to warm up your hands in the winter. Well, that was true for the technology being used at the time. At Nokia, we have developed a new technology that actually wakes up additional cores only when the power is needed, and then puts them back to sleep when the need is no longer there. I am very happy to say that the Apollo 1000 will come with four cores. To be completely frank, this is the most future proof smartphone in the world."

Instantaneously everyone in the crowd is applauding furiously and, after a few seconds, it's a standing ovation.

Several months later, owners of iPhones and iPads come to the realization that their once objects of desire are now quite outdated and powerless compared to the mighty Nokia super products. One year later, Samsung and Apple announce a merger. Their new line of products would be launched under the name Sample. It was the beginning of the end for both companies unfortunately.

Everyone at Nokia lived happily ever after.

This article is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to be taken as advice to buy or sell any stock.

Disclosure: I am long NOK.