One of the problems that many marriages in crisis face is not being able to deal with conflict in a manner that doesn't result in explosive fights or hurt feelings. When you don't deal with conflict well in conversation you end up attacking each other. Dealing with conflict in a way that actually works begins with talking in a calm manner. When it comes to save your marriage advice, you can never get enough advice on how to deal with high intensity conversations without causing a huge problem in the relationship, and that's what this article is about.
Before you have any conversation you need to know what you are expecting the outcome to be. Do you want an answer to an issue? Do you just want to allow yourself, and your partner, to express what you are thinking and feelings so that it's out in the open? If you have an end result in mind before you begin your conversation it can help you to keep the conversation headed towards that outcome instead of just going anywhere it wants to go.
Do not use blame in the conversation. When it comes to save your marriage advice you will often hear that blame should be avoided at all costs and that's because it's absolutely true. Blame does no good for your relationship; it only causes more hurt feelings and more anger. Always remember to avoid blame when you are having a conversation with your partner.
Take time-outs during the conversation if you have to. You can't force yourself or your partner to continue talking when hurtful topics come up because if you do you can cause reactions that go against what you are trying to do, which is have a calm conversation that can help you save your marriage. The conversation won't feel so calm if someone feels cornered and angry, so if one of you feels that your emotions are taking over your calm approach then take a break until you have relaxed and are ready to continue on with the conversation without reacting in a negative way. Just don't take too long.
Do not head into the conversation with the attitude that you are right. This is so common when it comes to arguments because we all believe that we are right and we are ready to defend that belief. Of course, defending ourselves usually turns into attacking our partner. It's better to go into the conversation with an open mind.
Do not interrupt when your partner is talking during a conversation. If you interrupt then you are sending the message that what you have to say is much more important that what they have to say, and how can you expect to save your marriage if you send that message? Both of you have things you want to say that need to be heard, and both of you should listen to the other person's message. When you feel yourself starting to interrupt stop and take a breath, this will help you interrupt your thought and refocus on your partner.
An important concept to understand when you want to save your marriage is that you and your partner are never going to agree on everything in this life. You are two unique individuals with different experiences, opinions, and beliefs. Even if they are just a little different it can cause issues if you don't accept that fact that you are not going to always agree. So during your conversations try to see things from your partners point of view. If may give you a better perspective on where they are coming from and allow you to listen to them the way they want to be heard.
The last save your marriage advice I have for you is to watch your words during the conversation. Do not use words that block progress such as 'always' or 'never'. These words can bring the conversation to a halt. For example if you say "I will never understand why you feel that way" then you are telling your partner that there is no hope for you to ever understand their feelings or need regarding that issue. This can be detrimental to the relationship. Watching your words can be easier said then done, but it's important if you want to have a calm conversation.
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