In a new twist in the Goldman Sachs fraud allegations and in an effort to safeguard its business and generate new revenues, Goldman Sachs (NYSE:GS) is officially launching its Collateralized Religious Obligations (CROs) product , a CRO is based on a complex mathematical formula to slice and dice existing religions and package them into a new offering.
"One reason we have developed this product is due to the evolving nature of the religious market" states David A. Viniar, Goldman Sachs CFO, Mr. Viniar added "Muslims and Jews are tired of not being able to eat pork, thus we developed a CRO where the Judaism and Islam none-pork eating component is stripped and replaced with a God approved pork eating component from Christianity, thus allowing Muslims and Jews to eat pork without violating God's wishes"; it is a win - win situation.
Mr. Ahmed Misdar the Imam at AL-Azhar, one of Islam's greatest religious learning centers based in Cairo informed Reuters "We never knew how to deal with Islam restrictions before Goldman's CROs; today if you need a fatwa modified to fit your lifestyle, you can call Goldman, they will custom make you the product and find you a buyer on the hell side of the trade".
Immediately after the announcement S&P rated the product Triple Cross, Moody's (NYSE:MCO) gave it a Triple Crescent rating, while stating that it is "virtually hell proof". In addition the Vatican in partnership with AIG (NYSE:AIG) have started to sell Heaven Default Swaps (NASDAQ:HDS) on all Goldman Sach's issued CROs.
However, due to the current Collateralized Debt Obligations (CDOs) debacle, rumours quickly spread that Goldman is offering CROs handpicked by Satan, and has been shorting the product outright, by buying HDSs from the Vatican and AIG.
Mr. Lloyd Blankfein quickly denied those allegations, he stated "Goldman is only market making between heaven and hell, just as God does", he then added "Does God ever disclose on which side of the trade he is?".
Nawar Alsaadi, reporting live from Goldman Sachs New York head quartersDisclosure: No positions