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There are only two things in this world that I can't stand...people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
  • Turf Battle At The UN 21 comments
    Apr 12, 2011 4:00 PM

    A turf battle appears to be taking shape at the UN as it appears the imminently qualified body is about to appoint a Minister Of Mother Earth.
    http://www.canada.com/news/world/document+would+give+Mother+Earth+same+rights+humans/4597840/story.html

    This, of course, creates an eventual power clash with the office of Ambassador To Space Aliens.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/space/8025832/UN-to-appoint-space-ambassador-to-greet-alien-visitors.html

    The Ambassador To Space Aliens has been around for a long time, at least since last September. So, what happens when the new Minister For Mother Earth and the Ambassador For Space Aliens eventually butt heads?

    What happens when the aliens finally arrive and they aren't all ET like and asking us for Skittles and want to hang out with little kids, not in a creepy Michael Jackson way, let's go Trick Or Treating together, you can be Batman and I'll be the Space Alien way? No, what if they're more of the Steven Hawking/Independence Day, die bitches die type of aliens?
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/space/article7107207.ece

    So, along comes the evil Cyborg/Klingon invasion force and the Ambassador recommends that we, mankind, nuke the shit out of the alien spaceships as they enter our atmosphere. He knows that bad mojo is on the way because he's talked to them with hand gestures and tonal music from his Skype link and they just responded by taking an alien dump on a globe of the Earth.

    The Ambassador, a wise man, because he is the third cousin of the current dictator from Zimbabwe, and it was Zimbabwe's turn to sit in the corner Office of Alien Ambassador, has decided that the Alien poo on the globe of Earth is not only a hostile sign toward Earthlings, it's also a sign of poor hygiene on the part of our new visitors.

    But the Minister For Mother Earth says "OVER MY DEAD BODY". The Minister For Mother Earth will have none of it. He's like "sure we might kill these evil Earth crappers." But, what about the flowers and all of the hallucinogenic mushrooms that would be killed by the radiation?

    The power struggle would go on and on and on as the villainous overlords from another galaxy board their landing craft.

    Has anybody thought of this? Does Anyone care?

    I, for one, think that this turf battle, should it come to the scenario described above, be settled the old fashioned way. We tie the left hand of the Ambassador To Space Aliens to the left hand of the Minister Of Mother Earth and throw them into a pit with two bullwhips and thousands of scorpions. Only in this reasonable setting can such high minded decisions be resolved.

    Indeed, I believe that all UN squabbles be settled in such a manner.

     
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Comments (21)
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  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    YH: Greetings. I got a good laugh out of it. Thanks. There may be a third way to deal with the aliens though. I'm going do a feasibility study by watching the new movie Cow boys and Aliens. LOL.
    18 Apr 2011, 02:50 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » Just saw the trailer for Cowboys v. Aliens.

     

    Looks like another milestone for Hollywood.

     

    People like cowboys.
    People like aliens.

     

    If they had asked for my advice, and they didn't, I would have suggested naked cowgirls. By shedding their clothes and constantly covering themselves with whipped cream, the aliens cannot see them. And, of course, midgets.

     

    People cannot get enough of titties and midgets.

     

    Perhaps the midgets could be available to hand the naked cowgirls guns and bullwhips as needed.

     

    Just spitballing, but I think these enhancements would double the box office.
    18 Apr 2011, 03:42 PM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    Give the midgets rolling ladders and make it in IMAX 3D and you couldn't miss! LOL.
    18 Apr 2011, 03:57 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » Good idea!

     

    There needs to be a lovable midget that screws up early in the movie.

     

    Perhaps because he is slow to reload one of the naked cowgirl's gun, she gets killed with a plasma gun.

     

    Later he redeems himself for her equally smoking hot twin sister by realizing that her whipped cream is coming off as she walks through a sudden rain shower.

     

    Without regard for his own life, he dives in front of her with two cans of whipped cream and covers her entire body before the aliens round the corner.

     

    She survives but he gets it in the gut with the plasma beam and gets to deliver an emotional dying good bye to our busty heroine.

     

    And Print!!
    18 Apr 2011, 04:33 PM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    Somewhere in that movie there has to be a scene where a naked cowgirl is riding a midget and putting the spurs to him.
    18 Apr 2011, 06:09 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » Perhaps, but we'd have to make sure that we didn't get in trouble with the ASPCM.
    19 Apr 2011, 09:23 AM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    No problem. Use rubber spurs.
    19 Apr 2011, 10:04 AM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » THIS JUST IN!!!!

     

    www.youtube.com/watch?...

     

    TIME TO ACTIVATE THE AMBASSADOR TO SPACE ALIENS!!!!
    19 Apr 2011, 04:39 PM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    I thought I buried him better than that. Must have been another one trying to take him.
    19 Apr 2011, 04:50 PM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    Now the moon is waking up. Will the UN have to appoint a minister for the moon too or would that be handled by the Ambassader to space aliens.

     

    www.whatdoesitmean.com...
    21 Apr 2011, 02:14 PM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    Sure hate it for all those suckers.....er I mean folks who bought property there.
    21 Apr 2011, 02:38 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » I would think that a Special Envoy To The Moon would be appropriate.

     

    Think of all the cheese!

     

    The UN sure is super duper.
    21 Apr 2011, 06:17 PM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    Would bringing crackers, wine and some naked cowgirls be crass?
    21 Apr 2011, 06:26 PM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    I think the man in the moon would be open to the cowgirls option with their full moons and orbs glowing. Wine and crackers with cheese might be the perfect ice breaker for the event.
    22 Apr 2011, 12:51 PM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    How does one go about applying for an ambassadorship?
    22 Apr 2011, 04:02 PM Reply Like
  • doubleguns
    , contributor
    Comments (9601) | Send Message
     
    First you get in line!!
    22 Apr 2011, 07:02 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » This is surely going to create conflict between the Minister Of Mother Earth and the Ambassador To Space Aliens.

     

    www.guardian.co.uk/sci...

     

    Thank god we have the infrastructure to tackle this most pressing issue.
    19 Aug 2011, 08:24 AM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    Just when I thought the implosion of the Euro Zone was the most pressing issue. Now we need a new infrastructure bank just for the alien threat. Get Petrayus on the horn we need to infiltrate right now before it's too late.
    19 Aug 2011, 09:38 AM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » You know, I was skeptical of the whole idea of establishing an office of Ambassador To Space Aliens, but it seems like I was wrong and this is indeed money wisely spent.

     

    I had no idea that aliens were so pissed off by our collective carbon footprint.

     

    Perhaps the Minister to Mother Earth should talk to Michelle Obama about hitching a ride on Air Force One next time she and her hubby go on vacation to the same place.

     

    www.whitehousedossier..../

     

    I mean hasn't anyone told her just how much she is pissing off the Space Aliens?
    19 Aug 2011, 05:34 PM Reply Like
  • robert.b.ferguson
    , contributor
    Comments (10491) | Send Message
     
    It's evident she don't care. She's much to busy stuffing ribs and frys in her face while telling school boards what should be on their lunch menu. I'll bet that ticks them aliems off too.
    22 Aug 2011, 04:01 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1500) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » As Sarah Palin would say, "you betcha".
    22 Aug 2011, 06:41 PM Reply Like
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