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There are only two things in this world that I can't stand...people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
  • Cowboys And Aliens 2 comments
    Jan 10, 2012 9:59 PM
    Just saw Cowboys And Aliens and I'm drunk and I'm  here to report!

    My wife refused to watch this shit so I'm here to give my review now that she's out of town.

    Cowboys V Aliens is a cinematic piece of shit that I highly recomend all of my readers to check out.

    Daniel Craig finds himself regaining consciousness in the desert with a big ass bruise on his noggin and a LiveStrong alien bracelet that he can't explain.

    After kicking ass all over New Mexico and Nevada, Craig comes head to head with Indiana Fucking Jones in some no name town. They're about to Mexican standoff each other to death when a phalanx of freaking aliens decide to wail on the tiny little dirt bag town that they're all in. They snatch all of the chicks and Harrison Ford's son and the fun begins.

    Daniel Craig discovers that he  can destroy alien spacecraft with his Lance Armstrong bracelet. Indiana Jones totally respects James Bonds gadget.

    They all end up where the aliens are mining gold and butts are kicked.

    Indians, not the Seven/Eleven kind, make peace with the white man and face the alien invaders shoulder to shoulder. I cried.

    Then some Mexicans help out and a bunch of dim cowboys have managed to defeat an expeditionary group of aliens in a battle royale and the movie is over.

    Some day, all of us dumb ass earth dwellers will have to join forces like these primitive gunslingers and defend the earth and Goldman Sachs will finance the entire war!

    The end.

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Comments (2)
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  • Stilldazed
    , contributor
    Comments (2046) | Send Message
     
    What? No school marm cleavage?
    10 Jan 2012, 11:16 PM Reply Like
  • yellowhoard
    , contributor
    Comments (1507) | Send Message
     
    Author’s reply » No. I was very disappointed with the lack of nudity.

     

    However, this movie was soooo bad, it was good. It ranks right up there with "2012" and "The Day After Tomorrow".

     

    I'll watch it again someday when I've had too much to drink.
    11 Jan 2012, 08:40 AM Reply Like
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