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How Torture Could Have Saved America from an Economic Meltdown.


You hear a lot about torture these days, the pros and cons, different techniques, debates about the effectiveness, etc. But what I haven't heard anyone suggest is that there is too little torture. So let me be so bold as to say that we need a lot more torture in this country. Everyone is getting off too easily.

I don't say this lightly, I'm deadly serious. Because torture is a serious business. And life is a serious business. And business is a serious business. Business like the mortgage industry for example. Taking out a mortgage is a serious business. It's a 15 to 30 year commitment to enrich someone else by paying an exorbitant interest rate, while at the same time taking on the financial responsibility of maintaining a property and all of the associated hardware. What better way to test the veracity of a potential borrowers statements than to torture them? There is no better way!

Imagine the grief and suffering that we could have spared America if everyone who was applying for a loan had to undergo torture to verify their income, their liabilities, and whether or not they intended to fulfill their obligations under the mortgage contract. I doubt that even 10% of borrowers could have passed such a strict test. Think of how many liars we would've caught! There would never have been a real estate bubble, because all of the crooks, ne'er-do-wells, dreamers, liars, cheats, and schemers would have been caught in the torture net before they were ever able to abscond with significant sums of money. The due diligence of torturing prospective borrowers could have prevented a worldwide economic meltdown and enormous suffering and financial carnage. It could've prevented 20% unemployment, despair, government bankruptcy, insolvency of Medicare and Medicaid, the overwhelming number of food stamp participants. Torture could have done so much good for this country!
Few people can fully appreciate the diabolical genius of George W. Bush and company, and now Barack Obama and company as they carry on this quietly brilliant tradition of torture. Torture should be extended into every aspect of our lives. 9/11 would never have happened if every potential airline passenger had been tortured before boarding, to determine what they might know or what their intent was, or even what weapons they were hiding.
So many crimes could be prevented if people were routinely tortured to determine what they were hiding, what dark secrets they were carrying around, what monstrous evil intent was being nurtured in their souls. Imagine if every public official had to periodically undergo grueling torture to certify their continued allegiance to America, and their benign intent.
Yes, torture is one of those things that we can't live without. Torture is an investment in America's future. Widespread and routine torture is the only way to ensure the quality of our lives. In a future blog I will show how torturing pets can be even more effective than torturing their owners.
Paul TD.