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Money McBags is the preeminent financial humorist and money maker in the world. While known for his ability to find and invest in undervalued equities, Mr. McBags is also a world class dick joke teller, an aficionado of lovely ladies, and avid reader of books without pictures in them. With... More
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When Genius Prevailed
  • 6/17/10 Midafternoon Report: New claims for unemployment claim the economy still sucks 0 comments
    Jun 17, 2010 6:07 PM | about stocks: AAPL, CRUS, GS, WGO, USB

    The market didn't do much today as it tries to come down off its volatility high which was fueled by mass uncertainty, broken technical barriers, and a fuckload of pixie sticks.  In macro news, new claims for unemployment were much worse than analyst guesses and also once again tested the (No) Labor Department's ability to do simple math.  Claims were up by 12k, bringing total claims to 472k which would make sense if last week claims weren't 456k.  You see, once again we're left with an equal sign that has to be more confused than Chastity Bono's bikini waxer because 456k +12k = 472k only in the land of make believe where it rains gum drops, pants are optional, and everyone looks like Diora Baird.  Once again the (No) Labor Department (though the parentheses may drop from the No if claims keep up at these levels) revised last week's number upwards by 4k which only gives initial false optimism and then leads people to believe any of these results about as much as they believe in the existence of the Loch Ness monster, vampires, or Abe Vigoda.  All one can glean from things is that directionally things remain bad no matter what made up number is given by Hilda Solis' henchmen and henchwomen and that when the number is released next week, this week's 472k new claims will have been revised up to somewhere between 475k and "we're all fucked."  With the federal government now paying 73 weeks of unemployment on top of the 26 weeks people already receive from the states, 10MM Americans are being paid to fix up their resumes for the one current job opening in this country which is for a ticket taker at the Regal Cinemas in Topeka, Kansas (and if you're interested, just leave your resume in the box).  Job growth remains more stunted than He Ping Ping with a bad case of whiskey dick.  In other macro news, the Philly Fed announced today that business activity for manufacturers in the Mid-Atlantic region declined which was most surprising because everyone assumed the Philly Fed had been robbed and burned down like everything else in Philadelphia.  The Philly Fed's index of business activity fell to 8.0, from 21.4 in May, and was well below analyst guesses of 21.0 since analysts are clueless and no one in Philly can afford shit.  Finally the CPI was out today and was up 2.2% from last year but basically flat with last month which is a good sign for those worried about inflation but a bad sign that the Fed is going to continue to keep rates at a level where the next bubble is only a financially engineered instrument away.

    Internationally, the EU says they will release the results of their bank stress tests but will release them only in the ancient and dead language of Yola.  Of course the language is irrelevant because Money McBags is 100% sure that the results will show European banks are in better shape than a young Jack LaLanne and he is also 100% sure he won't believe any of those results.  It serves Europe, the US, and the whole global financial system no good to be honest about the banking problems in Europe unless we really want to try to fix the problems rather than sweeping them under the rug for another few years as we bask in our own delusions and continue to fight windmills for the love of Dulcinea (though if she looks anything like Elizabeth Canalis, it will certainly be worth it).  Also, a Spanish bond offering went off without a hitch as Spain saw strong demand for their 10 and 30 year bonds thanks to raising the premiums by 80bps and 110bps and promising that Nereida Gallardo would personally service all of the debt.

    In stock news, AAPL is reaching record highs as they announced they sold more than 600k of their new 4G iPhones in one day (though they failed to disclose that the iPhones were laced with heroin and MSG).  Apple's news is als...READ MORE...ANALYSIS OF WGO'S Q.....

    Disclosure: Long AAPL
    Stocks: AAPL, CRUS, GS, WGO, USB
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