Private investor. Bought first stock in 1966. Held on for 20 years, following dad's advice: "The Bulldog Philosophy: bite on to something that's got some meat to it and hold on until they shoot you in the head, chain you down, and tear it away from you with your teeth still attached." Ahem.

Been through it all: the Crash after LBJ called for Guns and Butter & raised taxes & spending; Nixon campaigning to the right and governing to the left (stocks crash); the fear-mongering claims of the late `60s and `70s that the planet was heading into another Ice Age and the whole planet would soon be frozen; the Nifty Fifty Crash (the first media/big NY House promoted stock con & ensuing blowout); the first time the media and the government told us the world was running out of oil and prices spiked and stocks tanked; the Carter Years: 20% interest rates, 76% tax rates, & stagflation; the October `87 Crash; the `80s real estate crash after "tax reform" and the ensuing S&L Blowout along with 2200 lending institutions busting out over the next 7 years; the fear-mongering claims beginning in the late `80s and continuing today that the planet is heating up to the point of boiling over (seas overflowing; islands disappearing, parts of the US East Coast under water; massive starvation from heated grounds causing soil erosion; coral reefs dying; fish and animals dying; Florida gone!); Papa Bush's sharp turn to the left: a huge tax increase, the handicap bill costing businesses billions and the ensuing bad economy and stock turn down; the Clinton Ad. attacks on every business sector, cigs, pharms, techs, banks, etc.; the Asian Contagion; the Y2-K Con (over $650 billion spent for absolutely nothing according to CNN); the March 10, 2000 Dotbomb Explosion and tech blood bath aftermath; 9-11; 15 years of Greenspan's manic interest rate moves; the government forcing lending institutions to create the subprime loan and the ensuing Crash of `08. Still standing.

Not a broker. Never been one. Not a tout. Never been one. Do not own or run a hedge fund. Never have. Do not own or run a mutual fund. Never have. Do not receive any type of compensation for bullish or bearish statements. Never have. Never will.

Traded futures for four years in the 1980s, mostly index futures, but some commodities. Quit. Too antzy to sit in front of a screen all day; to heck with the money. Would rather be broke than bored.

Brain does not function properly. Cannot read a chart. Don't send or tell me about them. Must therefore dig through financial records and study ratios and try to figure out whether a company is actually doing what it claims. Some really boring stuff, trust me.

Occupation: Never had one. A drunkard by nature. Played golf when a child. Poker when I still had the brain of one.

One finite absolute: Never, ever buy a stock touted by an emissary from one of the Big New York Houses. When they upgrade or tout one, get ready to run.

Help friends and family with their investments gratis. They all have to have jobs.