peter xyz

Guru Returns Show Just How Tough the Going Has Been Lately

Dear "Fake" Marty,

My condolences on topping the list of the biggest losers. You seem comfortable in your contrarian position, however if it bothers you next quarter, here is my "proprietary, patent pending methodology" to get your name at the other end of the list

Next quarter,
1. wait until the last week of the quarter, look at the list of the biggest gainers for the quarter, and
2. go buy a bunch of them to add to your 13F. At first glance the methodology doesn't seem to be sensitive to weightings, so its probably okay to buy $100 each of the latest fad
3. profit (well at least make sure that Paul posts an update on SeekingAlpha touting your 5000% return for the period)

disclaimer:
This method may be so successful that you might have to close your funds again
May not comply with all relevant ethics rules and principles in your jurisdiction
On the internets no-one can tell that I'm actually a cat