Mr. Morbid

Unbelievably, the No-Doc Loans Movement Gains Steam

Look at the bright side guy. We all know who needs these no-doc loans: high end prostitutes and drug kingpins. (I say "high-end," prostitutes because I'm assuming those at the low end rent.) I mean honestly, how do you expect to sell condos in Florida if you can't sell to madams and "Cocaine Cowboys," and we're talking the high-end people here, not your regular corner people. If someone has a lot of money that means they must be good people right? Who cares if they made their money in prostitution and drugs?

4 Drivers of the Exploding Federal Deficit

You people need to learn to look at the bright side. For a brief period after World War II the income tax in this country was 82 percent on incomes over 200,000 and look at how the economy was able to grow in spite of it! Now, naturally, we'd have to modify that number, maybe make it an 82 percent tax rate on incomes over 2 million, but really, it's just a matter of today's wealthy having the courage and the grit to show that they can produce the same kind of financial growth and innovation that their parents and grand-parents were capable of. I mean honestly, if those individuals with incomes over 2 million dollars a year in this country can't figure out how to get themselves motivated and foster new economic growth with an 82% tax rate, then they probably don't deserve the salaries they're getting to begin with. 82% on incomes over 2 million. Problem solved!

We could use a similar approach to figuring out how much to tax health-care benefits, we just take a baseline percentage of what portion of minimum wage worker's salaries their insurance deductibles represent, and use that as a benchmark to determine how much tax wealthier people should pay on their health insurance. From what I hear a full time Wal-Mart employee makes a whopping $17000 a year and only has a $3000 deductible. So you see, it's easy, we just charge those who are given deductible free executive health-coverage policies an additional 17% tax, voila! Problem Solved!

Obama Should Be Promoting Self Reliance, Not Another Stimulus

Here's a man who knows what he's talking about. Americans do need to be more self-reliant. The key to this country's economic future is right on the other side of the door-Larceny! What we really need right now is for more Americans to say: I'm not going to sit here and cry over the fact that I've sent out over 200 resumes since graduation day and still don't have a job and these massive student loan payments that I'm stuck with because I got stuck in the other sub-prime scam-higher education-are hanging around my neck like an albatross! I'm going to go out and steal what I want from the homes of the wealthy and start kidnapping their beautiful daughters! Think about it, the rich already have the stuff they need, so who cares if their televisions and computers and other gadgets are stolen! Plus, kidnapping can be a very lucrative profession. Sure, not everyone's cut out for hacking off fingers and toes and mailing them to distraught fathers but you have to have the vision! It's time for a paradigm shift in America-time to break ground and develop new synergies in Larceny and Kidnapping! It's all about being willing to give 110%.

The Truth About Jobs

You people need to learn to look at the bright side. Right now suicide rates are rising most rapidly amongst upper middle class white men and women, many of whom have, or were recently let go from good jobs. This presents a wonderful opportunity for job-seekers, and for relieving the rest of society from a huge population of potentially chronically unemployed and under-employed workers! And just think of the opportunities created in terms of job openings and overtime for grave-diggers, mortuary and crematorium attendants! If more baby-boomers-especially the affluent ones who can afford those premium interment extras just decide to off themselves, we'll all be in for a bright future! Problem solved!

Buffett on the Economy - This Movie Has a Happy Ending

You people need to learn to look at the bright side. All we really need to deal with the extra housing inventory is a return to good old-fashioned arson. Think about it, recent college graduates can start exciting new careers as arsonists, we get rid of excess housing inventory, and insurance payouts and rebuilding provides new jobs for construction workers! We don't need fancy predictions, just more arsonists! Problem Solved!

Developing World Consuming More Energy than Developed World. Price, Climate Will Suffer

You people need to learn to look at the bright side. Even if global warming is real, it's the poor people who are going to die, and who cares about poor people? If we do see an increase in freak storms and a general increase in seasonal temperatures that pushes northward the boundaries of tropical diseases such as Malaria and Denque Fever and results in more frequent periods of draught, that means a lot more people will die in those freak storms, disease outbreaks and famines, then you have fewer people consuming limited energy resources and we don't have to waste so much capital on international aid-problem solves itself!

Bankslaughter

I think we need to go Medieval and bring back stocks. How great would that be if you could go to visit Wall Street, and there right in between the Bull and Bear statues you had a row of stocks for convicted Banksters, and plenty of rotten fruit and chicken-entrails vendors.

Are Jobless Claims Signaling a Bottom?

Look at the bright side, with so many Americans not having health care, and rates of alcoholism and suicide on the rise, it's only a matter of time before Americans start dieing off by the thousands! Then there will be plenty of jobs for everyone! Also, as the baby-boomers are shunted off of health care benefits by their former employers and end up on Medicare, most of them will be relegated to inadequate and shoddy health-care services so their life expectancies should easily drop a good 8 to 10 years! Health Care and Employment problem Solved!