To Madoff Victims: Mangia!

by: Jeff Bercovici

Every so often, along comes an artifact that perfectly expresses the character of our times. Sometimes, that artifact is a press release that arrives in my in-box. Today, it's a press release attempting to eke some cheap restaurant buzz out of the Bernie Madoff calamity. Hey, Elie Wiesel, bummer about losing your charity's assets and your personal savings in a Ponzi scheme. Would a free plate of penne alla vodka make it any better?

For Immediate Release Contact Sid Schwartz 646-XXX-XXXX

NYC Businessman Tries to Make Up for Bernie Madoff's Customers A Free Dinner for those Frauded

NYC Businessman Nino Selimaj is announcing today he is trying to make up for the $50 billion dollars in losses of Bernard Madoff's over 2,000 customers by offering them free dinner. Patrons can bring their monthly client account statements from Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC and get a free entree at the popular 208 Restaurant located on East 58th street.

"Although I cant give these unfortunate people back their money in cash, I can pay them back in pasta for their losses The restaurant has lost income from the Madoff scandal. Some of their dual customers that were affected by the Ponzi scheme have not returned. Hopefully offering them free food might bring them back." said Mr. Selimaj. Customers must call 212-XXX-XXXX in advance to make a reservation and their identity will be concealed.