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Tim Cook Resigns From Apple

|About: Apple Inc. (AAPL), Includes: SAP

Citing Apple's (NASDAQ:AAPL) 300 billion dollar loss in the stock market which seems a lot for a CEO making 378 Million in 2011, Tim Cook resigned saying he regretted the loss of share holder value, the failure of Apple to innovate, missing the large phone market completely, striking out on the Phablet or All in One market for phones and tablets, apologized for the abysmal upgrades of Lion and Mountain Lion and generally admitted that being a CEO was more work than he initially thought. He could offer no explanation for the disappearing scroll bars in Safari, the absence of a search box in Safari or why the iTunes upgrades just made the software harder to use. Quoting a dejected MacAddict who was now using Spotify, he stated "iTunes is now just to difficult to use, I can't even figure it out". Flilemaker Pro even screwed its long time users by dropping features like the 3D effects that were a part of the program for years. Cook said: "We are trying to become Microsoft. They have made money for years on upgrades that don't really do much so why shouldn't we?" He pondered at his good-bye press conference. The death of Jobs seems to have left Apple devoid of mojo and Cook suggested hiring Bill McDermott of SAP AG (NYSE:SAP). "Bill has some charisma and can talk about the iPads for enterprise the way Lennon sang about Yoko. I can't do that and no one at Apple can now so we need some new blood." Calling the iPhone 5 the worst product in Apple's history he said it was obviously time for a change. "Good luck to the next guy though, without Steve no one around here knows how to count to ten." April Fools or IS IT?

Disclosure: I am long AAPL. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it (other than from Seeking Alpha). I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.