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Tesla's Exponential Model 3 Ramp Will Be Exponentially Rampy

|About: Tesla, Inc. (TSLA)
Summary

Tesla promises an exponential Model 3 ramp that will exponentially ramp the rampity ramp out of the rampy ramp

This exponential ramp will become more exponential as the ramp exponentially ramps

Exponentially rampity, ramp, ramp, rampy exponential ramp

The Tesla (TSLA) Automotive, Energy, Supercharger, Battery, Gigafactory, Solar, Tunnel, Hyperloop, and Stock Certificate Production Company has begun ramping up production of their hotly anticipated and typically delayed latest money losing product, the Model 3. So far, deliveries of a couple hundred have underwhelmed against the several thousand that Elon Musk promised by now as part of an "exponential ramp":

Tesla has also shared a graph of the Model 3 ramp that looks fairly rampy, but exponentially demonstrates the fact that Musk doesn't understand what "exponential" means:

Notwithstanding the fact that an "S-curve" ramp is not exponential, this graph shows production reaching a plateau of 5K per week by December. Now that you've finished laughing at how absurdly optimistic this already is, remember that Tesla/Musk have also promised 10K per week production sometime next year.

So, it looks like this non-exponential ramp will have to exponentially ramp AGAIN at some point, or another line will have to be added, no doubt with all the grand fanfare that Tesla usually trumpets achievement with while another deadline blows by like ludicrous mode.

Given the "bottlenecks" (no doubt caused by the Klein Bottle shaped factory and Mobius strip assembly lines favored by "volumetrically efficient" obsessed Elon Musk) that have developed on the first line, this sounds like no problem whatsoever.

But once the bugs, kinks, bottlenecks, gremlins, and life-endangering AI of the beta versions have been worked out (no doubt through simple over the air updates given the way Tesla brushed them off in the PR), then the Model 3 ramp can begin ramping exponentially.

As an added bonus of the low initial production level, the exponential ramp will just be that much more exponential. Once the rampity ramp starts ramping up the rampy ramp the ramp can commence ramping in earnest, exponentially. Rampy, ramp, rampity ramp. Ramp ramp, ramp ramp, rampity ramp, ramp ramp, rampy ramp.

But seriously, once this Model that is half the price of their previous money losing models ramps up to exponential full scale production (approximately 10e35 given Musk's "exponential" extrapolations), Tesla will absolutely justify their exponentially high $10B market cap.

Wait, their market cap is closer to $60B? What the ramp! [Exponential explicative]. Well, guess that just means the exponential ramp in the stock price will be even more exponentially rampy. Ramp ramp, ramp, ramp, ramp, rampity ramp, rampy ramp ramp ramp, supercalifragilexponentialidocious ramp.

Disclosure: I/we have no positions in any stocks mentioned, but may initiate a short position in TSLA over the next 72 hours.