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MY NEW STIMULUS PLAN

CENSUS SUPERVISOR

I’ve got an idea. Instead of letting the 1 million Census drones go back to living in their mother’s basement come July, we keep them onboard and tell them to double check their work. If we count people twice, the accuracy should increase exponentially. I’m sure this is under consideration by the Obama crack economic team. I bet they suggest we keep them employed through November.

Now for my really really good idea. The Federal government can hire 10 million people to stand on every square inch of beach from Texas to North Carolina in white suits with rakes, shovels, and Glad trash bags to capture every oil glob that attempts to wash onshore. I think I might win a Nobel Peace Prize and a Nobel Prize in Economics for this idea. I save the environment and cut the unemployment rate to 4% in one fell swoop.

Who’s with me?