Trump “Proud of His Role” in Osama bin Laden Takedown

            May 2 (NEW YORK) – Billionaire reality show host and presidential candidate Donald Trump told reporters today that he is “proud of his role” in tracking down and killing terrorist kingpin Osama bin Laden. At the same time, Trump was quick to share credit with President Barack Obama and the Special Forces unit that carried out the clandestine mission deep inside of Pakistan. “I couldn’t have done it,” Trump said, “without the assistance of President Obama, the CIA and the Navy Seals.”

            “My role was to create a diversion,” Trump explained at a hastily assembled news conference, several hours after Osama bin Laden’s death had been announced by the White House. “They wanted to keep Osama and the al Qaeda leadership distracted and off-balance, and especially wanted them to be in doubt about whether the President had the guts to undertake this sort of high-risk mission.”

            Trump’s role was to sow that seed of doubt, he explained. “Going out and calling him ‘the worst president in history’ and generally describing Obama as a wimp, was never my idea,” he said. Trump agreed to do it “because they asked me to,” he said.  “The idea was to lull Osama bin Laden into a false sense of security and keep his eye off the ball,” Trump added. Trump admitted he never really knew who most of the other presidents were, so he had no idea who actually was the worst.

            “It’s not easy to find someone willing to play the buffoon and make a fool of himself in the national media, and to be credible doing it,” said a White House source. “But we knew Mr. Trump would be perfect on all counts,” he said, “and were overjoyed when he agreed to do it.”

            Trump threw himself into the role with his usual gusto. Besides his key role in the Osama takedown, he was also responsible for ending the so-called “birther” controversy. “I knew if I stoked that fire, someone would eventually pour water on it,” Trump explained. “and by appearing to sidetrack the President with a phony issue, I further confused Osama bin Laden into thinking the White House wasn’t focused on the military front.” It had other benefits too, Trump said, in that he learned Hawaii had actually become a state. “Who knew?” he said, adding that “they never seem to mention that in all those old WW2 movies.”

            What did Trump consider hardest about playing his role in this scenario? “Sitting at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner Saturday night having everyone laugh at me,” he said. “It’s not easy being in the middle of a crowd of thousands with the President of the United States and others calling me an asshole,” Trump added, “but I’m used to it.”

 

(Courtesy of Stefano di Baviera, Italian News Service)