For just $9000 and an additional $3000 annual fee, you can join Netropolitan, a new social media network designed specifically for the rich. The site works just like Facebook, allowing its cash laden users to update their statuses, join discussions and create groups. The only striking difference is that unlike Facebook, Netropolitan is a highly private ad-free zone. The site is not indexed by search engines and the only thing that outsiders can see is the login screen.
Netropolitan is a well guarded haven where the 'one percenters' can let loose without the fear of prejudice. Here they don't have to worry about being politically correct in their jokes; for instance, upmarket shopping mall vs. no go zone for minimum wagers. Although Netropolitan users are mightily thankful to Facebook for inspiring the concept of social media, there are at least four things that they won't miss about Facebook.
While the Internet model is hot, she isn't nearly as hot as she believes herself to be. She has taken narcissism to a whole new level and will cram your newsfeed with hundreds of selfies all aimed at soliciting comments and likes. She will also throw in a hundred and one hashtags to her selfies just for the sake of it. The Internet model is also fond of experimenting with weird facial expressions in her selfies, leaving you wondering whether she is having a violent seizure or Halloween has come early. Netropolitan users certainly won't miss these Internet models who think Facebook and Instagram are modeling agencies. Moreover, the Netropolitan one percenters can afford to date real models.
If organizing pity parties was a lucrative business, this lot would be the founders of successful event management companies big enough to be listed on the Nasdaq. They perpetually complain about how life is unfair to them. The analogy of the glass being half empty or half full can't even begin to describe them. For them, the glass is perpetually empty and they will skillfully turn even the merriest of situations into an apocalypse. Fortunately for Netropolitan users, the only imaginable complaints on the upscale social network will be about the trappings of the upper-class life, like how the butler picked the wrong wine. There will be no perpetual downers on Netropolitan to spoil the mood.
Instead of working hard to acquire their own wealth, this group will spend all the productive hours of their day trolling the social media pages of celebrities, successful entrepreneurs and other public icons. They strongly believe that the world owes them something, even though they are not willing to work half as hard as the objects of their jealousy. To make it on Netropolitan, however, you have to have the 'work hard play hard' attitude that severely lacks in Internet bullies. It therefore follows that Netropolitan users won't have to worry about rabid attacks from libelous paupers who are not even worth being sued.
Even though Marilyn Monroe once said that is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring, social media conspiracy theorists push it too far. Working from their mom's basement, this lot will cram your newsfeed with bizarre explanations to every major historical event, celebrity death and government policy. Some will even go the extent of saying that Kanye West is Illuminati because his nose is shaped like a pyramid. There is simply no telling what ludicrous assertions their hyperactive imaginations can manufacture. Netropolitan users are certainly overjoyed that they won't be bombarded by the ramblings of the deranged in their exclusive 'one percenters' club.
Disclosure: The author has no positions in any stocks mentioned, and no plans to initiate any positions within the next 72 hours.