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4/20/10 Midday Report: Goldman blows quarter out, then offers to blow SEC Chief of Enforcement Robert Khuzami as part of "settlement"

|Includes: Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (GS), IBM, JNJ, KO, SFSF

The markets are modestly higher today despite a blow out quarter by Goldman as other blue chip companies mostly met expectations and meeting expectations after an 80% market rally is like trying to impress Grigori Perelman with long division or Tommy Lee with a Hawaiian Tropic girl.  The big news is obviously that Goldman released their quarter today by smacking their CDOs on the table and yelling "Securities fraud this!"  They demolished analyst guesses of $4.14 eps by earning $5.59 per share on $3.46B of earnings which was 91% growth.  Though to be fair, it is not clear how much fraud and market manipulation analysts had in their models as Excel's goal seek function isn't yet equipped to handle that.  What's also amazing is how a company who produces nothing other than writing on paper can earn $3B. Anyway, the quarter was so jizztastic for GS that Lloyd Blankfein is going to spend the rest of the day at the spa getting his nails done so they will now match the drapes in his conference room.  But all is not well for Goldman, they still have to deal with the SEC's lawsuit about how they misled investors (but only on that one CDO, wink wink, and if you believe that, Money McBags not only has a bridge he'd like to sell you but he'll give you a great deal on it) and in the quarter they lowered their compensation payout from 46% to 43% so all of the traders who have been manipulating the market are now going to have trade down from a hooker a day to one every other day and might have to pass up on the third bottle of Dom at their local Rick's Cabaret.

 

There is no macro news out today and the only international news is that Greece's latest bond offering met strong demand.  Of course they had to double the previous yield on these short term bonds to 3.65% which was actually below estimates but still hella expensive for the ponzi scheme George Papandreou is running where he will gladly give you three souvlaki's and a glass of greek wine tomorrow if you pay him for one today.  The IMF is starting to get a bit frisky here and is warning about sovereign debt impeding global growth.  Wow Captain Obvious, you think?  Next week it is rumored that the IMF will issue warnings that staring directly in to the sun may cause blindness, eating foods high in saturated fats may cause obesity, and getting too close to Paris Hilton may cause herpes.

 

The real story of the day though...READ MORE...

Disclosure: Long KO