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5/24/10 Midafternoon Report: American xenophobes shout "I told you so!" as european fears send US markets tumbling

|Includes: Citigroup Inc. (C), DFZ, JOEZ, WGO

Stocks were mostly flat today like they had no gaussian curvature or had Heidi Montag's singing voice until they took a nosedive over the final 30 minutes of trading.  Existing home sales in the US rose by 7.6% and bested analyst guesses thanks to the first time home buyers tax credit, foreclosure auctions, and promises by Sabrina Soto to intervene with buyers' real estate and show them where to properly lay their pipes.  While home sales were up, prices also rose 4% with the median home price now $173k, or three times the cost of Detroit.  Treasuries continued to gain in this uncertain market as investors sell out of their equity holdings and seek safety in bonds, even if those bonds are issued by a country whose debt is 2/3 of their GDP and a country who somehow thought naming a town Bumpass was a bright idea.  In other US news, the financial services industry is still trying to figure out how they will be affected by the financial reform bill which was recently passed by the Senate thanks to a collective dose of extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy.  Many analysts think the bill will reduce profits but leave industry size and power intact, which is basically like castrating Lexington Steele.  While profits could be cut by 20%, financial service companies will no doubt find new ways to exploit loopholes and the cornholes of average workers in order to extract maximum profits for doing nothing other than hitting buttons and passing paper.  Fear not though, Money McBags has a solution for America's impending debt problem that doesn't involve Faye Reagan offering to service said debt.  In an auction this weekend, the first US silver dollar which was minted in 1794 sold for  $7.5MM.  So all we need Bernanke to do is just mint a fuckload more silver dollars and fudge the dates on them.  Problem solved

In international news, the Bank of Spain bailed out a regional bank named Cajasur which of course is Spanish for "We suck at lending."  The bank is apparently largely controlled by the Catholic church whose strategy was to make up for losses by turning water into wine, unfortunately, they were less successful at that than Martin Luther was at keeping his complaints succinct (seriously, 95 fucking theses?  I mean we know the benches were too hard and chapped your ass cheeks, but couldn't you have left that one out and just made it 94?).  This marks the second time since 2009 that a regional bank has been bailed out by Spain and the also the second time since 2009 the Bank of Spain has put in longer than a two hour work day.  In other international news, Britain announced 6B euro in spending cuts.  They hope these cuts work out better than their spending cuts of 1932 which took dental care off of public health plans.  Among the cuts in the legislation are tighter restrictions on first class travel by public employees, advertising cuts for public projects, and less material to be used for the uniforms of the national soccer team.

In stock news, C was upgraded by Goldman Sachs to buy, most likely due to a typo or Goldman trying to pump C shares so GS's majority partner, the US government, can dump them.  C remains more full of shit than someone with Prader-Willi Syndrome and no anus.  The company is too big....READ MORE...

Disclosure: No positions