The market jolted up on unemployment news this morning before remembering it had already gone up yesterday and thus quickly settled in like an environmentally friendly squatter in Al Gore's mansion. The big macro news is that new claims for unemployment dropped to 454k or some number higher than that depending on how much the (No) Labor Department manipulates/readjusts numbers next week. Money McBags is not a betting man (unless there is money to be won or young ladies to impress) but he is willing to wager that next week we learn that new claims for this week should have actually been 459k. Anyway, claims were down by 21k, unless you use the number the (No) Labor Department released last week of 472k (not the 475k they redjusted it to this week) and in that case claims were down 18k (though when this week's number gets manipulated up to ~459k, this week's drop will go down in the books as only a 13k drop, but whatever). Regardless of what the number actually was, it likely beat analyst guesses of 460k which would be great if 450k+ new unemployment claims didn't signal an economy less healthy than a Grilled Cheese Burger Melt topped with a spread of Crisco and Pam Anderson's hepatitis.
To be frank (and if Money McBags is going to be frank, he only hopes it is the awesomely named Frank AllCock and not Frank Stallone), the high unemployment rate and the inability of the global economy to bounce out of this is more confusing to Money McBags than a condom is to Shawn Kemp or the definition of securities fraud is to SEC promoted Meaghan Chung. Money McBags understands there are unkowns, half-knowns, and can't-knows in a dynamic global economy, but there are 15k+ PhDs of economics in just the US alone so either all of them are complete idiots or that degree is more worthless than the smallest Vietnamese dong. Seriously, how can we have all of these people who trained for years on this one specific topic not have any fucking answers?
For fucksake, a solar powered plane just flew for 26 consecutive hours and while Money McBags is not a heliologist (though he ardently studies Page 3 of The Sun), he is pretty sure for many of those hours the sun wasn't even fucking out. So let me get this straight. The human race can build something that goes 28k feet in the air and flies around for 26 hours, powered by nothing but the sun and will continue to fly when there is no fucking sun, and yet we can't figure out how to find jobs for 20MM people? WTF? Money McBags is officially announcing the death of the entire field of Economics until one of the 15k+ US PhDs can figure something the fuck out. What other discipline awards titles for studying theories that don't work and coming up with hypotheses that can't be proved? Just think about it. The profession of an economist is a more worthless calling than an Amish computer camp instructor or Heidi Montag's singing instructor. Anyway, the economy continues to struggle and economists continue to watch it melt as they are more helpless than a dyslexic trying to use a calculator set for reverse polish notation (as opposed to reverse polish cowboy).
In other US news, retailers announced same store sales and results were mixed despite discounts, warm weather, and a flurry of unconventional sales efforts including Sam's Cub making small business loans, Office Depot selling items for a penny, and Hot Topic giving away free canwiches with every purchase of a Twilight t-shirt. The Gap led the disappointments with flat sales compared to guesses of up 3.4% as apparently the late 1990s are officially over.Internationally,,...READ MORE.....
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