Confession

Summary

• There are things that I’ll never understand.
• There are some things that I’ve given up on.
• But here is one small life hack that helps.

Why would you buy an expensive carpet? It goes on the floor. You walk on it. I have tried inquiring about this, but have never gotten a clear answer. Also, why do we need large numbers of little pillows? The second I’m alone with a piece of furniture covered in many small pillows, the first thing I do is toss them all on the floor. So why not skip a step and just not have the extra pillows? Again, I’ve made inquiries and just get a look as if I’m the crazy one.

I come with my own imponderable baggage. Occasionally, I get pointed questions about my old truck habit and,

Why do you need another firearm? It isn’t as if you could carry all of the ones you already have.

That is the kind of question that gets you fired from the truck and gun purchasing committee. Although she has a small point that my record of disclaiming a need for a specific firearm has a 100% perfect record of my subsequently breaking down and buying it. Without any context at all, I might casually mention that I really don’t need an Anderson Wheeler 500 Nitro Express Double Rifle. But after the second or third time… it usually (narrator: always) manages to arrive.

So as a guy who likes Crossfit, trucks, and guns married to a girl who likes ballet and, apparently, pricy carpets and many, many pillows, gift giving can be fraught. I have gotten as much humor value as one can get by giving her stuff that I want. If I give her another rifle, she could be tempted to use it. The last time I gave her one, she reminded me how much life insurance she’s bought on me, so I might change up my gift giving strategy. Time for something unironically nice, which can be the biggest surprise of all.

Flowers. The romantic tradition was started as a sacrificial gift. Even an upper class man would spend the bother of picking flowers for the woman he loves. I want to share the sentiment but not the bother. As Shane Parrish says, “If it doesn’t involve judgment, automate it, outsource it, or forget it.” I’m switching from the forgetting it to the outsourcing.

I just signed up for a flower delivery subscription with free delivery, the “grand” version for my long-suffering wife and, commensurate with the more modest upside, the original versions for my mother and mother-in-law. I have reflected on how frequently I have something to apologize for, either a sin of commission or, more frequently, omission and concluded that just regularly sending flowers is more efficient. The vendor gets the flowers direct from farmers, charges a fair price, writes the card, remembers to send them, and charges PayPal (PYPL). I just pay.

Definitely worth trying. And if you’ve ignored my repeated recommendation to not send flowers on Valentine’s Day, today by 3 PM EST is your last shot. You can order them here and get 30% off with code “BEMINE”. Not a bad ROI. Let me know how it works if you try it. As for me, I now can do something the requires an apology every two weeks and I’m already covered.